Hopeless

I write this post about 30 minutes after my last test this semester (not including finals). And looking back over this semester, I believe I have failed every test. After my New Testament let down, I ran for 9 miles, to make me feel nothing (But I sure felt something...). I would love to go for another run, maybe run all the way home to my mommy and be a couch potato, sitting on my 16th backbone and eating chocolate bon-bons and wasting away my life, but I can't; which depresses me more. Instead, I have to put on a good face and by activally social when all I want to do is hide my face. Everyone here claims that they get "A's" on tests and when they get a B(gasp!), Heaven forbid! gee, I feel lower than the scum of the earth when I see my grades flash on the testing center screen...almost like a dagger to the heart, a plummiting of my stomach. I'm to the point where there is no hope to getting good grades on tests. To me, it's impossible. Sure, everyone tells me it's my first year, and that's normal. They also told me that last semester, about the first semester at a university...so if that is the story, then next year are people going to say that it's my second year, it's okay to not do well because the classes are hard?
Maybe I just need to get married, drop out of school, and become a baby maker so they won't kick me out of school because my grades are just too crappy. Afterall, I am probably in the highest marriage rate city in the world (not counting Vegas), it should be easy (obviously I can't handle hard).
I'm not writing to get sympathy or "I'm so sorry"s. I need to rant, and this is my soapbox, my soggy soapbox. I'm pretty sure that I will have to retake classes, which is a depressing thought, but that's life I suppose, full of disappointment.